The player I am about to receive

Me: Morning Sam

Sam: Don't look at him!

Me: Look at who?!

Sam: Don't look at the player you want to get!

First, what sort of player? The infidel blokey type? or am I about to become a WAG? And secondly, surely I ought to check him out before I actually get him?

I am not sure Sam gives great advice first thing in the morning...

Long shopping Queue...

Me: Morning Sam, time to wake up

Sam: 11 hours

Me: what?

Sam: thats how long they waited

Me: Who?

Sam: The people that went shopping

All I can say is, I hope it was worth an 11 hour wait, whatever it was they were buying!

Holiday!

Me: Morning Sam, it's 10 past 7, time to get up

Sam: I got no school

Me: Oh? How come?

Sam: Antarctic day off

You all heard it here first. 28th of March is to now be known as Antarctic Day - even better, it's a holiday! Yay!

A good Kettle anecdote

Me: Wake up Sam

Sam: Come on, tell me the story

Me: What story?

Sam: I thought you were going to tell me an anectdote about a kettle?

Anyone got a good kettle anectdote I can tell him? It might help wake him up in time to go to school...

Morning Rules....

Me: Morning Sam, time to get up

Sam: You tell me!

Surely Sam is aware of the rules of being a youth by now? He sleeps, I tell him to get up.

Me 'n Skepta - yeah...

Me: Sam, it's time to get up

Sam: You have a song with him.

Me: I do? Who?

Sam: Skepta

Doing our world tour shortly...you do want tickets for that! Believe me....

Career chomping...

Me: Sam, time to wake up, love

Sam: He's scary

Me: Who is?

Sam: That guy. He says he is going to eat his career.

Me: Gosh! What IS his career?

Sam: Basketball

Me: Why would he want to eat his career?

Sam: Cos he wants to be big and black

Me: How will that work?

Sam: Not HIS career! Someone elses.

Ah. I see. Not.

No emerging here....

Me: Sam, time to wake up

Sam: I’m not emerging, whatever that is

Me: Emerging from what?

Sam: From power.

Wow. Sam is not emerging from power. Let alone from his bed!

iLolly...

Me: Morning Sam. time to wake up

Sam: Yeah, but the phone is frozen

Me: Oh! What do you mean?

Sam: I can't call anyone

Ah! So THAT's how I can keep the phone bills down. Put the phone in the freezer! Nice tip, Sam!